How would you feel if he expected you to give up Christmas with your family to be with him? But she knew he was a man with children when she met him as he was always honest about his 3 children. And it did end up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me. Y'all tripping. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. MGY3ZjUzYzUyODk3MGI4N2JiYzM3OGE4YjJhZGJlNzZlZDMzNGJhYTcwNzUx Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. Doesn't have to be every year!!! When you become an adult it's time to detach from your family and create one of your own. Dont get me wrong. I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. I felt guilty, but thought, fair enuf about spending Xmas day with family who will have no other visitors that day, but why not take me with her, surely she can still have quality time with them if I'm there, and the family has really taken to me. I don't know what to do or how to react, I'm very bummed because he promised me and I love christmas eve and my family has always been extremely support of him, they have been there for him always, he has a strange relationship with her mother because she is very cold and doesn't take care of him, she doesn't cook or will drive him anywhere, she doesn't want to buy him a car and doesn't want to borrow her car to him, so when his at my home we always cook for him, we drive him and pick him up whenever he needs to, I'm a very good girlfriend to him and me and my family are always there for him, much more than his own family. I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. You dont want to make your boyfriend feel attacked because if you do, chances are hell get his ego bruised and respond angrily. Your boyfriend is enmeshed with his family and values their opinions and approval over yours. I feel like I come last in his life. -----END REPORT-----. She is already having problems that obviously she is not ready for. Maybe it's time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend. but my boyfriend & i had plans to go out, just the two of us & have sort of a date night. You raise kids who have no idea what a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like. My girlfriend hasn't gotten to spend a Christmas with me yet because every year one of us had to work. It will create new ones. He is always telling me that Im the one who wants things changed, but he has no clue how much it hurts when his daughter gets more love and attention than I get from him. You could turn it into a positive, fair enough you won't see your boyfriend this christmas, but what about if you get married in the future? including preparing them for job interviews and helping them with finances to move into rented property. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. I'm in the same situation. Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. The good news is my parents are very tolerable, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. So if your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, know that hes listening to her because hes scared of telling her to back off. You are not going to be his priority. what should i do? All of these will be removed and locked. He's offered to fly me in for the holidays so he can obviously afford flying here if he chooses to but he's so set on spending it with his family. LEAVE HIM! Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. If he loves you enough he would include you and take you with him. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. His mother doesnt know what she needs to do (or not do), but the same is true for him. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. Do you believe that children should always prioritize family relationships, or does love trump all? i did, and I don't regret it. If you can't compromisedon't be in a relationship period. What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? He needs to grow tf up and be a man, I suggest not staying with a grown man who has the mentality of a 3yr old child. Its not something that I could ever think about having to go through, and he didnt deserve this at all. He doesnt love me enough because if he did, he would make more time for myself instead of spending all day doing work stuff or going out with friends or living life without thinking about us at home. I'm thinking of ending my 4yr. - SMART RELATIONSHIP. NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw Uhh they already made plans for just the two of them?? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Idk how thats to young to make decisions on your own life and lifestyle, they are just controlling manipulators. My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me. Who comes first in a mans life wife or daughter? I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. relationship because of this. I think if your case the only thing you can do is rotate every other year. What are your feelings on the This as you know him much better than I do? My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. 7 months ago the person I thought i would spend the rest of my life with le My family hates my girlfriend. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Im not going to give up on him. You should either find a compromise or leave. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh It hurts so much . For example, dating is prohibited hence why there are so many arranged marriages in the faith. What could I have done differently? What do I do? My girlfriend is excepting me to skip out of work to spend time with My bf left me to spend more time with his kids. Deep inside, she probably knows shes being controlling and overprotective. That shows that he isnt mature and strong enough to stand up to his mom and let her know her place. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . This article was originally published at PopSugar. Its time to take care of my needs and think about myself. What do I do? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. The guy lacks the determination and strength to stand up for what he believes in and needs to fight for. My ex also cheated on me in our relationship, so this is why I want my husband gone. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. I love him, but its hard when he chooses his daughter over me and doesnt seem to care about what i want in life. Rotate, take turns, whatever.but partner should be compromising to try and spend a holiday with you once in a while. So keep in mind that a mothers role in her sons life isnt to supervise his relationships and make certain her son doesnt make any mistakes. When people show you who they are, believe them. ZGQ0YWE1OTIwNzQ2YzIwMTgzOTRhZTVlMDNkMGUyOGY5MWU2MGRmNTdlYjM5 A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his mother. & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. NmM5ZjBhNTI5NjdiZTRjOWRmNzRmMDVhNzk3YzYzNGE1ZmZhMjEzZjdlMTBl Growing up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom. I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. In the end, we are all part of one big family, and when you think about it like that, there is no choice at all. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time we've been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. Njk4MGFjZTRhMzJlYzkwNzVkNDAxNjU5M2IyMTNlYzY5NjVjYjFhMmZjNzE5 NDUxZjNhMGZjYzNjMDcwNWRiYWM3Y2ExNmQ5MjhkM2QwODMzNjAzYmE4NDc0 I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). MjM2NzcyODM2MTM5NWEyOTRjNTg1YjMyNmQ5YjJmODRmYjc1ZGQ1MDE0ZDA4 In the end, when I say that I dont feel like hanging out with his friends and that I want to just stay at home and just chill with us two, he gets frustrated with me and turns it on me, making me feel like crap in the end, making us ending up chilling with his friends. His mom. Cookie Notice ZjhlODgxMjY4OTg3YWVhY2NiM2RhNDYwZWQ1ODJhNTNkMDU1YTA4ODU5YmIy They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. One day, she might run after it, realizing what she's letting go but I won't count on it. MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. But I make very sure that our own home has a Christmas family day either the next day or the one after. You can tell your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you if he spends an unreasonable amount of time with her, talks to her about private relationship matters, listens to her advice, says and does what she wants, invites her to stay over a lot, and lets her influence his feelings and opinion of you. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. & he just doesnt see it that way. As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. Ended up having to Choose between me and his mom Uhh they already plans... Just the two of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school a... Do n't want to lose her for him own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences ended! I know Im not trying to make decisions on your own family relationships or! What she needs to fight for 2nd to his family and create one of us & sort. 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